Some New Yoga Classes We’ve Added to the Schedule | The New Yorker

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Some New Yoga Classes We’ve Added to the Schedule

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  • Yoga for Severe, Nearly Physically Paralyzing Anxiety

  • Yoga for Awakening the Artist Within

  • Yoga for Putting the Artist Within to Sleep

  • Yoga for Managing Your Anger When You’ve Been Quarantining During a
    Pandemic and the Very Same Politicians Who Blatantly Minimized the
    Dangers of the Virus and Turned Basic Safety Precautions Into
    Partisan Issues Receive Access to the Vaccine Before Your Only Living

  • Yoga for When You Want to Feel Like a Cat

  • Yoga for Healing After Your Partner Tells You, “The Noise You Make
    When You Sip Water Makes Me Want to Kill You”

  • Yoga for Upper-Back Pain Brought on by Giving in to the Darkness

  • Yoga for Forgiving Your Parents Now That You Understand

  • Yoga for Lower-Back Pain Brought on by Giving in to the Darkness

  • Yoga for Awareness That Whatever Semblance of Democracy Your Country
    Currently Possesses Is in Irrevocable Danger

  • Yoga for Lowering Your Expectations, Re: Your Capacity for Self-Love

  • Yoga for When the Thought of Looking at Yourself in the Mirror Makes
    You Want to Gouge Your Eyes Out with the Nearest Utensil

  • Yoga for Wishing You Were Still in Your Twenties

  • Yoga for a Begrudging, Reluctant Self-Acceptance

  • Yoga for When You Have Nothing Left to Live for Besides Yoga—No Hope,
    No Belief in the Good in Mankind, No Sense of Possibility Whatsoever;
    Yes, the Soft, Warm Sunlight May Hit Your Cheek When You Step Outside
    Because the Clouds Have Just Parted After a Gentle, Cleansing Rain,
    Yet You Feel Nothing, No Pleasure at All, Simply the Acknowledgment
    of a Fleeting Physical Sensation, Nothing More, Nothing Besides Yoga,
    All That Exists Is Yoga and an Eternal Cosmic Void

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