An East Sussex woman is at the centre of a controversy over claims that a kale, cucumber and prune detox smoothie she made didn’t taste utterly revolting. Alex Taylor made the claims earlier this morning as her colleagues enjoyed a breakfast made up primarily of leftover Quality Street sweets. Witness Simon Williams described the events that unfolded before him. “I was getting right stuck into the orange creams, I mean they taste like death but it’s January; there’s not a lot left so beggars can’t be choosers,” he said. “Then in walks Alex and she’s all like, ‘Oh my God, are you all still eating chocolate?’ Then she went on about detoxing and drank a bit of this weird green slime stuff and said it was ‘hmmm, that quite nice’ before grimacing at us all. “I mean, that’s balls isn’t it? It looked like it came out of a swamp. She had a bit of what looked like cabbage stuck in her teeth when she ‘smiled’, right before she dry-heaved into the recycling bin.” Mr Williams then hurried away as news filtered through that ‘HR still had some purple ones’. The claims were finally proved to be false when the office’s facilities department were called in to unblock one of the ladies lavatories and found a pint of green ‘matter’ was the cause of the blockage. Further claims that Miss Taylor ‘actually really enjoyed her morning run’ and is ‘tired of eating all that crap over Christmas’ are still being investigated, but are thought to be similarly false.
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