A woman who let a massive fart go halfway through downward dog has already packed and is at the airport, according to reports. 45-year-old Simone Williams realised within seconds of producing such a massive and above all noisy guff that sheād never be able to look anyone she knew in the face again, and so immediately took steps to abandon everything she knows for a new life under an assumed identity in Brazil. Excusing herself from the class āfor a momentā, Simone didnāt even bother changing before heading home to stuff a few valued possessions into a bag and to leave a brief goodbye note for her husband of eleven years ā who doesnāt yet know heāll be cooking for himself tonight. āItās a mystery how my delicate and ladylike guts could produce such a belter,ā she told us from behind a false nose, glasses and moustache at the departure gate deep inside Heathrow airport. āNormally in Yoga or Pilates you relax your core and, you know, they just slip out silently and you glare at someone two places down the line, never entirely sure if it was one of theirs, or not. āThere is normally a level of uncertainty over fart ownership that allows us to continue looking at each other in the eye. āBut not this time. Jesus, I sounded like a cruise liner in the fog. Everyone just stared and then started giggling, and blaming me for their farts as well, the silent but whiffy bastards. āMy life is over. I can never go home.ā
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